People often wait because they fear saying the wrong thing. A kind, imperfect conversation is usually more useful than silent observation. Your role is not to become a therapist. It is to open a door and help connect them with support.
Talk privately when neither of you is rushed, intoxicated, or in the middle of a conflict.
Use concrete observations: missed classes, isolation, injuries, blackouts, not eating, or messages that worried you.
“How have things really been?” or “What has this week been like for you?”
Do not rush to compare, diagnose, lecture, or solve. Reflect what you heard.
Sit with them while they email counseling, walk to the health center, or call someone they trust.
One conversation rarely resolves the situation. Send the message tomorrow.
If they say they are not safe
Take statements about self-harm, suicide, violence, or immediate danger seriously. Stay with them and involve local emergency services or an appropriate crisis service. Do not promise secrecy when someone’s life may be at risk.
Keep your own boundaries.
Supporting someone does not require being available every hour, hiding dangerous behavior, lending money you cannot afford, or becoming their only source of care. You can be compassionate and still involve professionals.
Sources and further reading
Reviewed July 2026. This page provides general educational information and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care.